i thought my post a few weeks ago about dumb questions guys ask me was tops, but more so lately i have been entertained by people reactions to cancer. from the prayer cards that though sweet, make you feel like youre already dying to the minister in your hood coming down for hellos, i love all this, but it makes me feel like im already dead. let me repeat i am not going anywhere. sure its serious but dont act weird, itll be okay. half the issue with cancer is your own dealing with people's weird responses and wanting to just scream out from the mountains, "IT'S COOL. I WILL BE OK. AND IF NOT, SO BE IT. LETS ALL ACT NORMAL AND QUIT GIVING ME THE SAD LOOK!"
i hate being known for cancer. its weird. but it is what it is and i feel as though if anything, its shedding some light on all the good stuff & sacrifices ive made. its nice to be getting something back. but im not feeling serious, im feeling smart ass. so its time to make some fucking cancer jokes.
comments that make me wanna shake people senseless:
1. when talking about my fundraiser, someone recently actually said, "hhhmmm. i would go but there is a really kick ass band playing that night. they are rarely in town, so i think im gonna go. " wow. really? you can also go straight to the acquaintance area of this board game. collect 200 ass kicks and proceed out of friendtown, take the candyland ladder down to party friend town, walk right by it and climb the donkey kong ladder down to aquaintenceville.
2. when about to make out with a guy he stopped, to ask if it hurt. that was cute and super sensitive so i cant be mad, but kind of a buzzkill when youre making out and someone stops to bring up the thing you most want to not think about. all i was thinking about was marvin gaye, smooches and what was next. dammit.
3. while at the hospital for chemo, the guys next to me laughed and said, well, atleast its not aids. wow. even assholes get cancer i guess.
i continue to have funny moments with guys, mainly bc no one knows how to react to cancer. you cant catch it. i wont die while were in bed. things are cool! even down to some of my ladies flirting with dudes i like. i kinda wanna point out, hey, im not going anywhere, so you can chill out on the whole being second in the deli line thing. i feel like im in showgirls and youre going to throw beads under me on the stairs before the big number. damn.
it has been tricky dating though. beyond. coupled with the fact that im not a size 6 and im a bit out there with my life. not helping. i am also surrounded by amazing, attractive, awesome guys. like all the time. its like a curse sometimes. sure i just went to lunch with a rad guy, then came back and had coffee with another and then had one come watch movies with me. but are any of them taking me on dates and snuggin' up at night. no. grrr. how can we change this. i realize i am like the Dahlia lama of dude friends here but a date every now and then would be good. you know im too busy to be clingy and im too wild to settle down. ideal.
oh well, for now i let it go and continue to field questions like, "does your lady business hum from the chemo" or panicking when guys see i wear a weave...relax its just bc i like massive ass hair. i am NOT bald. everyday is some weird adventure and more entertaining than the last. when im in here, at the hospital, i cant wait to get the hell out so i can be around all the rad, kooky fun people here. its a fun life, every day im in here is a day im not living life out there. like prison but with bad gowns and no one trading me for cigarettes.
No comments:
Post a Comment